Part three of a series on inheritance. Part one was about the weight of it. Part two was about the conversation, from the parent's side. This one is for the kids.
Do you know you are Mom's trustee? That you're the one making your Dad's medical calls if he can't? Maybe you do. A lot of kids don't, until the day they have to. Both roles are real jobs, with rules and deadlines. Your task is to follow the document and honor their wishes, but that's a lot easier when you already know what they want, or at least what the document says, instead of reading it for the first time under pressure in the midst of grief.
Bringing it up might feel like asking how much you'll get when they die. So, you instead say nothing, and you wait, and you hope it sorts itself out later. It does sort itself out. It just becomes clear on a day that's already hard enough.
We wrote the last piece for parents. This one is for you, because the person with the most to lose from silence is often the one who never speaks up.
Here's the part that's hard to see from where you're standing: not knowing costs you twice.
It costs you now, in your own planning. If there is a business to transition, a property to care for, or assets your parents expect you to steward someday, those facts can influence conversations you're having today. Not because you should count on the money. How much house you stretch for. How aggressively you save. Whether you take the risk on your own thing. We are not saying to count on it, part one and two were clear that you shouldn't build a life around money that isn't yours and may never be. But planning in total darkness isn't caution. It's just guessing with less information than you could have.
And it costs you later, when the plan lands and you don't understand it. A trust you didn't know existed with a structure nobody explained. A sibling who heard a different version than you did. The grief is going to be enough to manage. Adding confusion, and sometimes suspicion, on top of it is the part that causes problems later, and it's the part that was completely avoidable.
So how do you ask without it sounding like what you're afraid it sounds like?
You don't ask what you're getting. You ask how you can help. "If something happened to you, would I know what to do?" is a different question than "what do I get," and most every parent hears the difference. You're not asking to be handed anything. You're asking to be ready. You're offering to carry it well. That is a gift to them, not a demand on them.
And often, you asking is what makes it possible for them to tell you. Plenty of parents want their kids to know and are waiting for a sign the kids are ready to hear it. In part two, we tried to help your parents understand the benefits of starting the conversation. Sometimes it's easier when you go first.
The conversation isn’t one sided. It goes both directions. You can tell them you have a plan, you know their part in it and that you’re not just winging it. It also doesn’t require you to give numbers. It's letting the people who love you see the real picture, and some of them have been waiting for exactly that. That's one of the best conversations a family can have, and it almost never happens on its own.
Do you know your parents have a purple folder in the safe with their Estate Plan and all their passwords? Or that your daughter and niece get to split Mom’s jewelry? Are you the Trustee or is it your brother or both together? What if you and your sister can’t agree on the cottage?
Do your parents know you're stretched on day care? That there's a family trip you'd love to take and can't quite fit into the budget? Do they know you’re doing better than they ever hoped you would?
Telling them isn't asking for a handout. Nor is it saying you’re not grateful for anything they may have planned.
A few things worth knowing, whatever the answer:
You don't need the number to be useful. You need to know a plan exists, who the professionals are, where the documents live, and who else is involved. That's most of what matters, and none of it requires a dollar figure.
If your parents don't want to share details, that's their call. "Can you at least tell me who to call?" Almost everyone says yes to that.
If you're one of several kids, eventually it’s better for everyone to hear the same conversation together. Small differences in what people remember have a way of becoming much bigger when the hypotheticals become real.
This was never really about the money. It's about not being handed responsibilities you weren't prepared for at the exact moment you're least able to prepare for them. Asking early is how you turn an inheritance from an ambush into something you can actually honor.
At Baldwin Capital, we sit on both sides of this. We've helped parents find the words, and we've helped adult children ask the question without it costing them anything. If you don't know where your family's plan stands, that's not a failure. It's just the next conversation. We can help you start it.
We Enable Dreams.
Disclosure: The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.
This information is intended to be educational and is not tailored to the investment needs of any specific investor.
Baldwin Capital and LPL Financial do not provide specific individualized legal advice. We suggest that you discuss your specific situation with a qualified legal advisor.